Of course, by "compact" I intend definition #2. ( You COULD cite #1, with intent to make some anti-queer WISECRACK. But you wouldn't do that, would you, my DearQueer Reader!)
My Beloved Larkin,
As true love must always be UNCONDITIONAL (which affection and friendship I've already
proven to you in a MYRIAD of ways, none of which has been EASY, nor do
I think YOUR unique brand of kindness has been easy, either), I offer
this, my LATEST expression of fervent admiration towards the most excellent fellow and genuine angel that you are:
Whatever wealth I gain as a result of my opus, "Steal This Blog"
(composed of these two books: "The Larkin Chronicles" and "Friendly
Ghost Detective Agency"), I shall reward you with AT LEAST fifty
percent (50%), and even MORE if I can so afford. Please realize that it
is unlikely I'd gain profit from literal PUBLICATION of said opus, as it is illegal to include REAL names and photos of any person in my books without their explicit permission. It will have to be a clandestine sensation
distributed through the collective underground by numerous agents on a
global basis. And THAT is precisely how I see these writings will take
Of course, I'm including YOUR real
name/description in my books, without your acknowledged permission.
Thus leaving me open for you to SUE me for considerable monies, should
I profit in any way from these writings. Let this be a test of my FAITH
in you, and in the miracle that is our friendship. I put my complete
TRUST in you, that such a tragic outcome is NOT in the cards.
But you know by now, I am an HONEST man, and will be sure
to share with you any monetary success I make INDIRECTLY from my opus.
For example: I will probably be well PAID to give lectures and open-mic
readings of my tales arising therefrom. These monies I shall keep close
account of, that I may live up to my promise that you, likewise, will
benefit. After all, it is your MARVELOUS inspiration that has caused
these wondrous true tales to flow from my fingers, and onto the World
Wide Web. So you certainly SHOULD receive at least half the credit for the creation of these two, amazing novels.
With such profits, I hope you become rich
enough to live your life any way you please. MY suggestion is to
promote you as a party mixer for gay events and gatherings. Seeing as
you are a natural GENIUS of gay comedy! I've never met anyone else who
has all the snappy lines and comebacks as you do, dearest
amigo...you're absolutely BRILLIANT, a genuine treasure of our
Gay Family (albeit underappreciated, though I hope to change all that).
But certainly, you would be free to pursue a life any which-way you
please, for my unconditional adoration of you comes with NO STRINGS
Including of course, whether or not you choose to be a FRIEND
and/or LOVER to yours truly. For I consider the very KNOWING of you,
that someone as incredible as yourself exists (and that I have the
TREMENDOUS honor of meeting for even a moment in time), makes me
the LUCKIEST (and most bless-ed) man on the planet, if not the entire
universe! Of course, I don't see WHY at this point, you'd NOT want to
hang out with me as best friend...but that is none of my business, if
things go that way. For I will STILL love you immensely, and be HONORED
to shower you with the financial benefits that will likely come for
your inspiration that gave birth to "Steal This Blog".
Let this be an early VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT to
you, my sweet darling. You need only sign YOUR name to this compact, to
activate it. MY signature has already been placed.
Ezekiel J. Krahlin