Last Wednesday (January 23), I visited the tacqueria where Larkin is employed. When I arrived (earlier than the other times I showed up), Larkin was not there...approx 11:20am. So I thought that maybe Larkin was fired? Or he was out with the flu? I was however, determined to hang out for a considerable while, just to prove (to myself, if no one else) my fortitude and resilience in this Surreptitious Armageddon. Even if Larkin was eliminated, and I was expected to forge on w/o my beloved!

So instead of walking out, I ordered a double a la carte of chile rellenos, and a medium sized coffee...and sat at the usual table, waiting for my tasty meal. Considering that, if Larkin did not show up, I'd still radiate a positive attitude, enjoy my meal and move on. But after a few minutes, despite my plate arrived and a full cup, I almost broke down!

"Where is Larkin?" I wept in my heart. "Did they fire him? Will I ever gaze upon him again?" And between my silent tears I thought: "Without my beloved Larkin, I am determined nonetheless, to speak and fight for the truth, and to GUARD his magnanimous spirit...but what a PAINFUL calling that would be! Randolph all over again!"

I continued: "This is just like living in Nazi Germany, where those you love you can't admire, else they'll be disappeared! I can't even ask an employee at the tacqueria, if Larkin is okay, if he was fired or will show up later. So hard to tell the difference between enemies and friends!"

Needless to say, I was ready to break down and cry, pouring copious tears over my rellenos, when Larkin finally strode in, in his usual, puffy (and seedy) bright red and dark blue ski jacket! I wanted to dance for joy, and hug him in so many ways...but I couldn't!

O Larkin, what an angel you are to me! You bring such tears of joy in my life! You put me through so MANY incredible changes, and I don't regret a SINGLE one of them! With your sweet presence, the chile rellenos were especially delicious, as was my medium-sized coffee, which I lingered over additional minutes (as it were like a yummy dessert), simply as an excuse to dawdle a while longer to enjoy your delightful presence under the same roof!

It was with great regret I finally departed (but none too late, in order to respect the danger imminent should we be discovered, for Hole in the Wall Saloon is right next door), we passed so close as you were by the door bent over the chalkboard menu, when I departed with much soulful angst. (I wanted to pull you up from behind, arms wrapped tightly around your torso, my cock pressed firmly against your ass-crack, tell you how MUCH I adore your very existence!)

Five days later (as I walked up Market Street to Walgreens to purchase an item that would allow me a $40 additional withdrawal to be spent on eating out), our paths crossed again, to my surprise! You crossed diagonally from The Metro as I passed 15th to enter Walgreens. I looked quite different in my new "Burns" security guard jacket, and sunglasses and watch cap. At the last moment you recognized me before we parted in opposite directions. Yet a half block further you looked back for a moment, to glimpse myself paused and gazing back at you, my body leaned against the lamppost.

You are heaven to me! And should you permanently disappear from my difficult life, I'm afraid I would ultimately perish. Certainly, I would continue to frequent for many weeks (if not months) that tacqueria where you were employed, in hopes that your disappearance would only be temporary...and that eventually, you'd show up again. What other choice have I, but to prove my faith by unbroken attendance for a considerable time to come? If I MUST play the sucker, so be it...you are worth THAT much to me!

The ink expenses for printing out my latest reveries have proven too much for me this January...as they've forced me to decide between eating out or printing out! And I've decided this month, that EATING OUT holds priority. So I apologize to you, my beloved Larkin, for not offering you more insight regarding my feelings towards you (via my printouts). BUT I do believe I've provided you with MORE than enough information (prior to January), to share with you my TRUE feelings, and a TRUE accounting of the evils I've been up against...for YOUR sake, as well as for mine!

Hopefully, I'll be able to purchase MORE ink, to send you my latest missives and thoughts. You'll just have to wait until some time in February...ideally just before Valentine's Day (Feb. 14), so I can shower you with my literary tears of joy and inspiration of a friend who is unconditionally in love with you! And that would be ME (of course). You are a BLESSED man, and I wish to be your BLESSED buddy for all time!

If I am asking too much of you, my apologies. Though my previous essay (dated Nov. 11, 2007), "Blessed Be My Wednesday" speaks eloquently of my love for you, my angel Larkin! And to let you know that I will show up EVERY Wednesday at the tacqueria, for the indefinite future. My Wednesdays are INDEED most blessed! (Or Mondays if I make it so, for I know you also work at the tacqueria on THAT day, too. But I promise: ALWAYS Wednesday, you can count on my appearance.)