Last Wednesday (January 23), I visited the tacqueria where Larkin is
employed. When I arrived (earlier than the other times I showed up),
Larkin was not there...approx 11:20am. So I thought that maybe Larkin
was fired? Or he was out with the flu? I was however, determined to
hang out for a considerable while, just to prove (to myself, if no one
else) my fortitude and resilience in this Surreptitious Armageddon.
Even if Larkin was eliminated, and I was expected to forge on w/o my
So instead of walking out, I ordered a double a la carte of chile
rellenos, and a medium sized coffee...and sat at the usual table,
waiting for my tasty meal. Considering that, if Larkin did not show up,
I'd still radiate a positive attitude, enjoy my meal and move on. But
after a few minutes, despite my plate arrived and a full cup, I almost
"Where is Larkin?" I wept in my heart. "Did they fire him? Will I ever
gaze upon him again?" And between my silent tears I thought: "Without
my beloved Larkin, I am determined nonetheless, to speak and fight for
the truth, and to GUARD his magnanimous spirit...but what a PAINFUL
calling that would be! Randolph all over again!"
I continued: "This is just like living in Nazi Germany, where those you
love you can't admire, else they'll be disappeared! I can't even ask an
employee at the tacqueria, if Larkin is okay, if he was fired or will
show up later. So hard to tell the difference between enemies and
Needless to say, I was ready to break down and cry, pouring copious
tears over my rellenos, when Larkin finally strode in, in his usual,
puffy (and seedy) bright red and dark blue ski jacket! I wanted to
dance for joy, and hug him in so many ways...but I couldn't!
O Larkin, what an angel you are to me! You bring such tears of joy in
my life! You put me through so MANY incredible changes, and I don't
regret a SINGLE one of them! With your sweet presence, the chile
rellenos were especially
delicious, as was my medium-sized coffee, which I lingered over
additional minutes (as it were like a yummy dessert), simply as an
excuse to dawdle a while longer to enjoy your delightful presence under
the same roof!
It was with great regret I finally departed (but none too late, in
order to respect the danger imminent should we be discovered, for Hole
in the Wall Saloon is right next door), we passed so close as you were
by the door bent over the chalkboard menu, when I departed with much
soulful angst. (I wanted to pull you up from behind, arms wrapped
tightly around your torso, my cock pressed firmly against your
ass-crack, tell you how MUCH I adore your very existence!)
Five days later (as I walked up Market Street to Walgreens to purchase
an item that would allow me a $40 additional withdrawal to be spent on
eating out), our paths crossed again, to my surprise! You crossed
diagonally from The Metro as I passed 15th to enter Walgreens. I looked
quite different in my new "Burns" security guard jacket, and sunglasses
and watch cap. At the last moment you recognized me before we parted in
opposite directions. Yet a half block further you looked back for a
moment, to glimpse myself paused and gazing back at you, my body leaned
against the lamppost.
You are heaven to me! And should you permanently disappear from my difficult life, I'm afraid I would ultimately perish.
Certainly, I would continue to frequent for many weeks (if not months)
that tacqueria where you were employed, in hopes that your
disappearance would only be temporary...and that eventually, you'd show
up again. What other choice have I, but to prove my faith by
unbroken attendance for a considerable time to come? If I MUST play the
sucker, so be it...you are worth THAT much to me!
The ink expenses for printing out my latest reveries have proven too
much for me this January...as they've forced me to decide between
eating out or printing out! And I've decided this month, that EATING
OUT holds priority. So I apologize to you, my beloved Larkin, for not
offering you more insight regarding my feelings towards you (via my
printouts). BUT I do believe I've provided you with MORE than enough
information (prior to January), to share with you my TRUE feelings, and
a TRUE accounting of the evils I've been up against...for YOUR sake, as
well as for mine!
Hopefully, I'll be able to purchase MORE ink, to send you my latest
missives and thoughts. You'll just have to wait until some time in
February...ideally just before Valentine's Day (Feb. 14), so I can
shower you with my literary tears of joy and inspiration of a friend
who is unconditionally in love with you! And that would be ME (of
course). You are a BLESSED man, and I wish to be your BLESSED buddy for
If I am asking too much of you, my apologies. Though my previous essay (dated Nov. 11, 2007), "Blessed Be My Wednesday"
speaks eloquently of my love for you, my angel Larkin! And to let you
know that I will show up EVERY Wednesday at the tacqueria, for the
indefinite future. My Wednesdays are INDEED most blessed! (Or Mondays
if I make it so, for I know you also work at the tacqueria on THAT day,
too. But I promise: ALWAYS Wednesday, you can count on my appearance.)
"Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead.
- Anna Cummins