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Permission granted by author for anyone to distribute this
writing free of charge (including translation into any
language)...under condition that no profit is made therefrom,
and that it remain intact and complete, including title and 
credit to the original author.

Ezekiel J. Krahlin
http://www.gay-bible.org
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THE GOVERNMENT MAY TRY TO ASSASSINATE ME
(A True Tale From The Castro. Eat your heart out, Armistead!)

© 2005 by Ezekiel J. Krahlin



          


To:      All Allies of the Queer Resistance (formerly "gay agenda")
Date:    March 23, 2005
From:    Zeke
Subject: The gov't may try to assassinate me.

(The following has been sent simultaneously to all my
e-mail friends via blind carbon copy:)

PASSOVER PLOT v.2.0

The government may try to assassinate me...

...because I now have absolute PROOF that Micro$lut's Windoze
operating systems (starting somewhere w/Win98) sabotage the
loading of Internet Explorer, when you install any
non-Micro$lut browser that Big Billy sees as potential
competition.

Since I've been playing around with oh, around four or five
computers simultaneously...I've been able to install on CLEAN
systems, TWO different licensed Windoze98SE operating systems.
Internet Explorer NEVER has any problem loading, until AFTER I
install The Opera Browser.

          

An error window pops up, offering to send a report of this
problem to Micro$lut's database. If you opt out, you are
supposed to still be able to load IE. But it won't, no, not
ever again, unless you either allow them to access your hard
drive or (perhaps) remove any evidence of a non-Micro$lut
browser on your system.

As most PC-savvy folks know: the web browser has usurped the
file manager that reigned supreme for many years...way back to
good ol' DOS. Micro$lut calls THEIR file manager "Explorer",
in their usual strategy to recreate computer terminology in
their own image.

But there is SO MUCH MORE going on with IE browser, which has
EVERYTHING to do with the gov't/military/corporate tentacles
intruding their multifarious ways into our lives, right on
down to the most intimate level of our very own DNA!

So we all have GOOD REASON for using SOME OTHER browser...the
learning curve is well worth the effort, as performing this
feat will inoculate you from "Owl's Hymen", "Jacob Crushed
Fields Disease" (a.k.a. "Mad Cow Disease" which is "bovine
sponge-a-for-monopoly" or something Italian sounding like
that), or "encephalitis subcorticalis chronica progressiva"
(a.k.a. "Senile Dementia" a.k.a. "Republicanitis").  ;b

          

And...I had bought an OEM version of Windoze 98SE via a
Canadian seller on eBay. Well, snafus happened, I finally
reported an official complaint to Paypal...his account was
frozen, and he's kinda P O'd, said "You're a piece of work!"
This is all through e-mail, mind you...eventually to be
featured on my Zekeblog.

Meanwhile, he e-mailed another key code, which really DID
work, to my surprise! So I had Paypal remove my complaint
entirely. Meanwhile, this Canuck is on his way to San
Francisco, since he'd like to deliver to me PERSONALLY, a
guaranteed working copy of Windoze 98SE!

For a special treat, listen to my answering machine, the
recording I left. I said that I've retracted my complaint, the
OS does install now. If he'd like a free tour guide of The
City, I'm his man. And I'll be glad to buy him a meal.

However, his intent may or may NOT be peaceful, eh? Then
again, he just MIGHT turn out to be my underground railroad
outta here...which adventure I've foreseen many times in
visions.

So...I think those who live in my immediate locale, ought to
watch my back closely, thank you very much. I must also be
protected from enforced meditation...er, I mean
"medication"...or any other form of coercion of my will.

But we must also do this FOR EACH OTHER, right? NETWORK! Find
subliminal ways of discovering which folks around you are
kindred souls and which are not. Your happiness depends on it
now, if not your life. I am a manifestation of all those
wrongs, so neglecting me deteriorates the entire
network...giving me my dues for all my years' struggles, OTOH,
serves only to EMPOWER and GLORIFY this network, our
community. Which network shall be HEADED JOINTLY by Queer
Rights and Women's Rights...with a platform purely
pagan/shamanic/tribal/female, cleansed that is, of any
Judeo/Xian/Islamic detritus and riffraff.

EVERYONE must be on the alert for sudden, sometimes violent,
eruptions of government/military/corporate bullying. They are
scared of radical activists, particularly GAY ones like me. I
have become, essentially, the Voice of All Amerikan Queers,
and would make a most delicious morsel for those carnivores!

          

And "Carnivore" is the name of the military's database for
spying on "suspect" terrorists...which by their newly minted
definition, includes EACH AND EVERY Amerikan queer, for they
do not breed for Fuhrer Dubya!

And "Carnivore" IS Internet Explorer. Ta-da. Secret is out.
May Saint Karen Silkwood protect me!

Internet Explorer has become totally enslaved to Carnivore's
machinations, and has NO recollection of its former existence.
So for good reasons have IT experts--even those solidly
pro-Micro$lut--started warning the consumer against using IE
for their browser any longer. And THIS is not so new; the
whistle was first blown about a year ago. But their rationale
was the leaky programming that permitted hackers to plant
viruses and spies all over personal Windoze PCs. It just makes
sense to me, then, that Carnivore would see a great
opportunity in such "leaks", by infiltrating them with its own
presence. Easily done, because left unguarded.

Thus turning these leaks into channels of access to highly
personal information about ANYONE if their records appear on
ANY databases. Information now constantly updated, thanks to
IE's access into our homes, even bedrooms and classrooms and
libraries and automobiles and cell phones and laptops (wi fi
ones anyway) and soon, nanotechnological medicine and surgery.
Not to mention the wide-open field of psychic phenomena. Oh,
what a battleground of spirits that one shall be!

THE TRUTH IS OUT. Accept it, or not. I AM one of THE major
players now, regarding the fate of this marvelous PLANET! And
let the whole WORLD know this about me, if nothing else:

I AM 100% HOMOSEXUAL, AND JEHOVAH WHO IS ZE-US IS MY LOVER!

And if ANYONE cares to listen further, I hereby proclaim:

I, EZEKIEL JOSEPH KRAHLIN (formerly Eugene Frank Catalano)
DECLARE MYSELF PRESIDENT OF ATHENIA (formerly Northern
California), and ORDER IMMEDIATE SECESSION FROM THESE UNITED
STATES OF AMERIKA!

          

I AM ALSO A DISCIPLE OF THE GODDESS ATHENA, AND THROUGH HER,
FURTHER BACK TO THE FEMALE-DIVINED WARRIOR QUEENS, OF WHOM
BADB IS A CLASSIC EXAMPLE, IN THE CELTIC TRADITION (thank you,
Azure). THUS, I NAME OUR NATION "ATHENIA" AND MY NEW CHURCH
WHICH I'VE FOUNDED (under guidance of these deities): "THE
TEMPLE OF ATHENA", AND THE NEW POLITICAL PARTY I JUST FOUNDED:
"BADB-ATHENA".

Now, once I finally unplug myself from cyberspace, I can AT
LEAST have my first cup of coffee for the day...and it's
already 4:57 pm!

P.S.: Anybody have a safe place for me to hide out, RIGHT NOW?
Sorry, peoples, that was just another anxiety attack. In fact,
I apologize for this ENTIRE LETTER, not just that sentence!
Where's a good blow job when ya need one? (Shut up, Randolph.
I didn't say that, peoples, we're having an argument here in
my head.)

P.P.S.: Well, time to plaster this letter ALL OVER USENET
NEWSGROUPS!!! But not till AFTER my coffee, jeez don't I EVER
get a break? So the wind should hit the piss [1] later
tonight.

Or not.

-- 
SinQueerly,

Ezekiel J. Krahlin,
The Father of Queer Conspiracy Theory
(though perhaps the claim should go to Tom Keske)

Don't forget to see me at my next open mic, which is the 2nd
and 4th Friday of each month. Show starts 8pm, but I'll be
there by 7:30 to sign up. I only have five minutes, and don't
know how soon or late I'll be on, until I get a hold of the
signup sheet when I drop in to:

The Three Dollar Bill Cafe, 1800 Market Street, S.F. (ground
level of The Center, facing Market Street)

Unless, of course, the gov't assassinates me before then, or I
have to go into hiding, or I'm suddenly disappeared by this or
that secret organization (there are so many, who can count?),
or if there's a heat wave and I get heat sick, or I just don't
feel like associating with the human race that day.

FOOTNOTE:

[1] "Wind hits the piss": a Celtic term, the modern day
equivalent of "shit hits the fan". Back in Those Days of Yore,
there were no electrical devices, for the Industrial
Revolution was still in a distant future. Ergo, there were no
such things as electrical "fans" by which fan-like metaphors
could arise. Surely on some stormy night at Stonehenge where
the Druid Priests and their Allies celebrated their seasonal
rites, two High Druids paused in the shadow of a monolith to
relieve their bladders. Being so windy, and each standing so
close to the other...it only stands to reason that sometimes,
the piss of one Druid would swiftly and unexpectedly (of
course) be blown into the billowing robe of the other Priest.

On the other hand, since feces could only fly with a very
POWERFUL fan (not just one airing the average home or office
building...but the kind that tests airplanes and jets, and
even rockets. Were we talking about just ANY fan, why we'd
even have to include, then, those little handheld fans so
ubiquitous in Chinatown USA. And if shit could be propelled by
such impotent forces, well jeez Louise, how can a lady put on
her makeup knowing this?)

Sure it was REAL windy on those moors, especially when the
storms came rolling in! It's the same way today. But I have
yet to hear of ANY wind so strong--here in Devonshire or
anywhere else in the world--that it would propel one's poop
while squatting for a shit on the moors. I swear by the piles
of dung that locals have been stepping into these days: the
Hound of the Baskervilles has returned! 

Either that, or visiting Anglo tourists.

          

--finis