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Permission granted by author for anyone to distribute this
writing free of charge (including translation into any
language)...under condition that no profit is made therefrom,
and that it remain intact and complete, including title and 
credit to the original author.

Ezekiel J. Krahlin
http://www.gay-bible.org
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LETTER TO TONY 10/29/98
(A True Tale From The Castro. Eat your heart out, Armistead!)

©1998 by Ezekiel J. Krahlin



Tony: since you walked out on me, and did not allow me to get
my anger off my chest...I had to compose this letter, so you
may read all my reasons that I honestly believe you need to
hear.


LIST OF GRIEVANCES (OR "WHY YOU OWE ME AN APOLOGY")

1. You did not speak up when I requested spending some quality
time with you...I asked Steve to set a time limit to complete
his transactions. You could have said to Steve, "Okay, let's
get this over with so Zeke and I can hang out."

2. Later, after I chased Steve away...you said you wanted to
spend some time with me during the sale, but I had gone
upstairs instead. So why didn't you make your wish known? I
respect your spaces, too, and after spending a few minutes
with you at the sale's beginning, I went upstairs to do some
work on my computer. You never called to request my company,
which I most happily would have done. Even though, before
settling in at my desk, I fixed some food for you, and brought
it down. I think you just made up some excuse on the fly, to
avoid admitting your guilt in this matter...Steve played you
against me, and you willfully complied.

3. You didn't try to stop me when I walked away and said I
won't be back tonight. You could have put a kind word in my
direction, and I would have turned right around.

4. You didn't accept the exchange of a backpack for a
joint...instead, I had to do it. How come you didn't think of
me, and not just yourself? I thought you'd be happy to get me
a joint for a crummy backpack...especially after all the money
and kindness and patience I've shown you all along...including
a really nice birthday dinner. How do you think this makes me
feel, Tony? (Like a piece of shit, if you want to know the
truth.) You actually snarled, when I exchanged the backpack
for a joint!

5. You told me to shut up...threatening to leave all the sales
stuff right there on the sidewalk, if I didn't. That was a
cold thing to do...and manipulative. It could have endangered
my living situation, had you done so.

6. You pretend that you did no wrong, by remaining silent
through the whole confrontation...instead, I believe you
should have supported me. The result was, that you let Steve
have his way with you, and you let him poison your mind about
me. (I would not at all be surprised to learn that Steve said
things about me, to make you upset. He's just the type to
concoct lies to create unhappiness, and ruin relationships.)

7. You showed no understanding of why I was upset...and left
without giving me a good, firm hug. You didn't say, "okay, I'd
like to hear your poem." You didn't bother to respect my
feelings, but instead shut me out. You walked out on the
situation, instead of trying to resolve things before leaving.

8. You basically played along with Steve, and shut me out, per
his wishes. Steve's desire is to break up our friendship...in
which he will succeed, if you really have been influenced by
his manipulative tactics. Since moving to San Francisco in
1973, there have always been some people in my life, waiting
in the wings to sabotage my friendships and romances. And I
warned you about this, too. Instead, it seems you fell right
into the trap that Steve set. 

9. Steve's manipulation is quite obvious, and I can't believe
you didn't see through him too. It seems more like you
preferred to be nasty towards me, instead. You acted as if
Steve had hypnotized you, by his displaying all the glittery
jewelry in such a manner as to put you in a trance. You don't
like Steve at all (supposedly), yet behaved as if you were his
puppet... especially by not speaking up on any of the several
times he threatened me.

10. You persisted in keeping that Motorola receiver in my
room, even though I explicitly requested you get rid of it.
Don't believe Steve's ideas about it...he may have been
manipulating you into keeping it...that perhaps it will get
you and/or me in legal hassles. Why on earth would you trust
Steve's word in the first place, on anything?

11. I have shown you tolerance, forgiveness, and loyalty, time
and time again...when were it anyone else, I would have kicked
him out. I told you you would never lose my friendship...and I
stand by that, forever. Yet you did not assure me, before you
left, that I have not lost your friendship. I believe it was
your turn, this time, to show some of the devotion, love, and
compassion that I have shown you, in difficult moments.

12. Steve even threatened me, yet you neither spoke out to
defend me...nor did you ever admit he threatened me when I
later pointed this out.

Do you love me? Perhaps so, and I believe you really do...but
then again, perhaps you do not love me enough to apologize for
your cold replies and behavior towards me, and your not
speaking up in my defense, anywhere along the way. All I did
was drive away a very obnoxious person who was obviously
distracting you from my attentions as long as he possibly
could...and attempting to turn you against me. Has he
succeeded? I hope not. But judging by your behavior so far,
I'd say he has won a battle to drive us apart...but certainly
not the war. Victory is ours, in the long run at least.

You've tested our relationship to an extreme, which I
willingly followed, with arrangements such as: freedom to come
and go as you please, keys to my room, tolerance of things I
would otherwise not allow, a relationship with no sex and even
not very much physical touch, crowding my room with sales
items to the point I keep getting anxiety attacks...and loads
of patience, which I gladly give.

You admit that I am doing God's work, which is quite correct,
yet you so flippantly walk out on me, without reaching out and
showing me some understanding. Would I do that to you? Never!
I'd never tell you to shut up, or that you're paranoid...when
you are obviously  upset about something. I'd respect your
feelings, even if I don't understand or disagree...I'd let you
get it ALL off your chest, no matter how long it took. Yet you
belittle my genuine hurt over Steve's intrusion, and your lack
of respect towards me...and accuse me of non-stop talking! It
would never have been non-stop, or too long... however, I
believe you needed to hear the reasons for my upset, before
letting it drop.

Finally, I thank Steve for putting us through this test. This
incident has brought out some of your less-than-wholesome
attitudes which you need to work through, and which I was
ashamed to witness...and surprised to even find them in you!



---finis