Eleanor writes:

{{ I envy you your brain chemistry. }}

Don't! You have no idea what it took to get there...all unplanned and unwilling on my part. I wouldn't wish it on my vilest enemy, this "borderline schizophrenia". Took over 18 years struggling for my sanity withOUT any medication or decent health care. One thing I learned about Amerikan society, is NOT to seek help for anything "mental". Help is the LAST thing you'll get, if at all. Instead, you will be VILIFIED and PERSECUTED from every direction, from all KINDS of idiots.

But I came to understand the hidden BLESSING in this, though my soul was hammered MIGHTILY, to be shaped for a greater purpose than Mere Career Satisfaction. Get ready for this windy "aside":

--begin rant:

I think it's the German in me, that yearns to capitalize as many nouns as possible. And I'm sure you ALSO wonder why I usually don't enclose end-punctuation within quotes, which is the grammatically correct way to go...but understanding the eccentricities of authors, you deem it wise not to bring this up, as some of the very BEST writers are miserable at spelling or/and grammar.

But since I telepathically feel you twitch with every punctuation violation, I think you deserve to hear my rationale: It has always been a pet peeve of mine, this way of ending a sentence WITHIN a quote, instead of embracing the entire sentence, by placing the final punctuation where it REALLY should be...at the actual END and not up its tight little rectum! E.g.:

"Dick and Dick went behind the barn to play with their pants down," said Jane with a red-stained fist in granny's cherry pie, "and they won't be back until after the Cow Mutilation Jubilee".

(Notice where I placed the period.) I am adamant on this, and as soon as I take over the planet as Big Gay Brother, I will mandate certain CHANGES in English grammar. In sum:

I DON'T GOOSE SENTENCES, I CARESS THEM!

(Granted, some especially dirty sentences like to be goosed; but please note:) I'll make everyone GOOSESTEP to my new grammatical mandates, if need be! (Hmmm, speaking of "man dates"...)

There, I've said it. The ugly truth. I feel like washing my hands, like Lady MacBeth over her curs-ed wash basin (which just went on auction at e-Bay for 12,095 euros). "Out, damn spot, out! Or exclamation point! Or comma! Or (yuck) colon and semi-colon! To spelling bee or not to spelling bee. That is the question, if not the mark itself?"

Now of course you wonder why I did NOT therefore place the interrogation point in the above paragraph AFTER the closing quotation mark. Am I hypocrite? Am I slovenly? No, neither, as this is one of those rare exceptions in Zeke's Bible of Grammatical Suppositories. Since more than one sentence is contained in that quote, then ALL ending punctuation MUST remain contained therein. Why leave that one little punctuation mark to stand out in the snowy cold of a blank space? Brrrr!

--end of rant

Back to the point at hand: I learned that we ALL suffer in one way or another...some more PHYSICALLY, others more MENTALLY, while many suffer BOTH. And that I should USE these difficult burdens as teachers of wisdom, patience, courage, and sympathy for one's fellow person. Evil and suffering exist for one thing only (I have concluded):

To give us each constant opportunity to become a hero by testing our mettle and standing up against dark adversity. For Buddha was correct in claiming: "We have no enemies, only teachers", and: "A wicked man revels in his mischief until it backfires, but a good man may suffer until his charitable works bear fruit."

Judeao-Christian equivalent: "The rain falls on the good and evil alike," and "Follow my path in this life and you will be sorely persecuted. But the rewards are eternal."

The Book of Job is an excellent example of long-suffering by one truly innocent. Even his family and most-intimate friends condemned him on superficial reasoning. Job was finally vindicated many years later, and his agonies turned to pure, unadulterated bliss: He was blessed with MANY female concubines and vast herds of sheep.

As for myself: keep the concubines, thank you very much. But the sheep OTOH... :b

You are witnessing the phenomenal explosion of my healing powers, which CLEARLY are through my writing. This is the result of YEARS walking a dedicated and stoic path on behalf of Gay Freedom. I am ECSTATIC to have finally made The Big Breakthrough...realizing that you must be a rather EXCELLENT person in the Universe's eye, to be called to witness my transformation into global recognition and fame. You CANNOT achieve such lofty heights with fame or fortune as the goal...you MUST relinquish all material things, become a RENUNCIATE if you are indeed sincere.

I recognize a kindred soul in you, regardless of your atheism. For your book DISM possesses POWERFUL healing properties in every direction: for yourself, those near and dear to you, and to anyone else fortunate enough to read your account, hear you speak, or (best yet) to meet and befriend you.

{{ Can't you figure out a way to synthesize it and put it in tiny little spray bottles we can carry around on our key chains? I can just see the ads on late-night TV: Feeling morose? Black waves of pessimism closing in around you? Old gloom and doom got you by the cortex? Try Uncle Zeke's Cheer-Wick! Contains genuine unadulterated Fairy Moans. Next time the inside of your brain seethes like a Hieronymus Bosch vision of eternal damnation, remember: One quick spray chases demons away! Freshens breath and whitens teeth, too! }}

Okay! I inspire the Muse who inspires me: A Righteous Honor! (Meanwhile, until my Cheer-Wick formula is approved by the gov't patent office, why not give my "Seventh Sealant Aerosol Prophylactic" a spin?)

{{ You must, MUST extensively include the evil bar fly queens in FRIENDLY GHOST. Work them into the plot. Such types are eternal, universal and ubiquitous, whether gay or straight, male or female, American or Chinese, twenty-first century or seventh century, and the incarnations here as you describe them, in that particular time and place and circumstance, will make your story take on classical dimensions. }}

That is how it seems to be unravelling. They are the Enemy Archetype: they are the Golem, Queen Olympia, Brutus, Judas Iscariot, the Wendigo, the Wicked Stepsisters, Frankenstein's Monster, the Blue Meanies, and all my ex-boyfriends rolled into one! My soul is like a Phoenix rising from the ashes of past lives, manifest through my keyboard as Author of Truth and Witness to Evil.

A New Odyssey, a New Mythology is emerging from my spirit to light the way for our troubled world. Behold Excalibur! Behold the Holy Grail! Behold the Ark of the Covenant! Behold Pandora's Jar! (Where is all this shit coming from, and how the FRICK can I pay for storage? A hero's treasures require a Persian bureaucracy: Where are my eunuchs? Heck, where's the marijuana you promised me for Veterans Day, Randolph?)

{{The new image atop the "Muse" page is divine. }}

Yes, I'm so glad I decided to search for a more artful image that would really do you Justice. (Ach! Capital "J". Mein Katzenjammer ghosts must be lurking nearby!)

She is Calliope, queen of muses. "Rediscovering the Muses":

"Calliope," she of the beautiful voice, "is considered to be head of the Muses, associated with the full moon. She is known for heroic poetry and literature, as well as eloquence in writing and speech."

So tell me dearest Eleanor of Mendocino: I know you are truly eloquent in both pen and tongue...but can you SING like a nightingale too?

BTW, I decided too many readers wouldn't understand my reference to "homunculi", so I figured to put a link in there. I found a really good page on this subject, take a gander:

Demon Puppet

I almost opted for this link, however, because of the figurines, so CUTE:

Clay Homunculi

Don't you wanna just cuddle up with one...or wear it hanging clumsily from a necklace, to freak out the JesusFolk?

{{ Stand by for an actual pic of Yours Truly on Halloween.....got to get Mitch to load it into his computer and send it to me, but that'll happen soon, I promise. }}

I certainly look forward to the photo, wondering what sort of costume you adorned. A remark about Mitch: what an EXCELLENT lover and best friend you have in him, for sharing that terrible, prolonged burden of your mother's tragedy. Now THAT'S what I call a REAL MAN. The Angel of Destiny will soon unlock me from my Cage of Deprivation, to discover the world. Rest assured you will be the FIRST e-friend I'll visit in real life.

And I won't be a burden; I'll have moolah up the wazoo, and will rent a hotel room somewhere nearby for a week or two. It will be SHEER ECSTASY to once again linger along the stunning Mendocino coastline, sojourning with truly DECENT people. After all my YEARS reaching out to the morbidly dysfunctional (and LOVING them to pieces), you have no IDEA how much I value salt-of-the-earth types. (With a little cracked pepper sprinkled in, for zest.)

{{ Imagine the parade for "Hetero Shame Week!" The mind boggles! }}

Yesssss! My precioussss...yesssss! On chains, with balls. BIG balls! A revival of Puritan punishment and Holocaust nightmare...IN REVERSE: dunk them in icy water, throw rotting dead rats at them in the stocks, make them wear the scarlet A for "anti-gay". And of course, the human bonfires...always the bonfires. Homophobes stink like the devil's own feces, so we'll have to wear hetero-proof gas filters. My Faggot Bible will be reproduced millions of times over, the first edition's covers crafted from only the FINEST breeder flesh that GayDeutschmarks can buy.

In short: arrogant, self-worshipping heteros will have HELL to pay. (So says the Official Admenstruator of Life.)

{{ Here's the rest of what I wrote for the makers of "Freedom To Marry," back in 2004:

"Laurie and Carmen have pulled off something quietly earth-shaking with their extraordinary documentary. "Freedom To Marry" cuts cleanly through all the murky, distorting layers of disinformation, fear, political propaganda, and willful ignorance purveyed by the anti-gay-marriage crowd, revealing what the fight for same-sex matrimony is really about: reason, justice, human rights, plain common sense, compassion, the next logical step along the road to civilization. (snip) }}

I only wish they had the space to include your ENTIRE review!

{{ And here's a letter I "ghost-wrote" for Carmen and Laurie in response to "Kristin," whose letter is included below mine, who wrote to them whining about gay people and public displays of affection and having to "explain" to her children:

Dear Kristin--

There was a time in this country when it was illegal for a black person and a white person to get married. You could go to jail for breaking that law. People who were against "interracial marriage" often said it was "breaking the laws of God." People were genuinely shocked and horrified at the sight of, say, a white woman and a black man (or vice versa) even just walking down the street together. And yet today, the sight of an interracial couple hardly draws a second glance. This proves that attitudes do change, that what's shocking in one era is acceptable in another.

As for gay people kissing in public, all I can say is that not every gay person kisses her or his partner in public, just as many heterosexual couples do not kiss in public. There will always be a certain percentage of people, gay or straight, who are more demonstrative in public than everybody else, and there will always be some people who don't like to see it. Probably you can think of an instance when you saw a man and woman "carrying on" in an inappropriate way in a store or a restaurant, and thought it was vulgar. It happens. If your children see a gay couple being demonstrative, and they ask questions that make you uncomfortable and unhappy, then my advice is to do the same thing you'd do if a straight couple were making a display you didn't like: distract the kids and move on to something else. When kids see that something is a big deal to their parents, they automatically pay more attention to it. If you don't make a fuss over it, they'll quickly forget it.

I'm sorry that you are upset about gay people. It's not the intention of gay people to take anything away from anyone. The truth is that most gay people are not really different from anybody else, and they only want the same things everyone wants: love, security, a family, legal rights. As for God's intent, well--many gay people would tell you that they feel very strongly that they are gay because God made them that way. Being gay (or straight) is no more a "choice" than the color of your eyes or the shape of your head. It's just the way some of us are. And gay people are definitely a minority, so you really shouldn't let it worry you. Live your life, enjoy your blessings, and don't fret over things like gay marriage.

BELOW, KRISTIN the "CHRISTIAN'S" complaint:

It is a shame that homosexuals have to exploit something so pure as marriage that God created. When are you people going to figure out that God made you and He is hurting so bad for the lifestyles you impose on society. You try to make it seem that your normal- well your not and your breaking the laws of God- and you chose to have different belief systems just so you can be accepted and feel like everything is alright. It is not alright to see two men and two women together. It is selfish that gays bring children into the mix- If only the gays could see how much God truly loves them and wants them to obey and He has made it very clear that it is an abomination yet gays turn their head the other way-forgetting who created them and what true purpose God wants from them.

I am so sick and tired of seeing homosexuality all over the Media-I can¹t even go to the grocery store without having to explain to my 3 children why two women or men are kissing. It is not fair I even have to be put into that situation and again is the selfishness of the gays !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kristin Scott }}

Three points in friendly criticism:

(1) You only compare gays kissing, with heteros overly displaying their sexual appetite. That puts gay-kissing on a par with much more vulgar behavior. Gays displaying affection is sweet and innocent...same as straights. You saw things more HER way, than from a gay--or even universal--perspective. In her mind's eye, two heteros holding hands is lovely, while two homos doing same is BLASPHEMOUS and DISGUSTING. For that sad lady to view heteros in the same light, they'd have to be humping each other, knickers down, in the middle of a kindergarten playground.

Remember, the "Lady" Kristen comes from a bigoted mindset that sees two gays kissing in public as far more repulsive and sinful than a straight thug bludgeoning and raping a little girl. It is this mindset that inspires judges to claim that gay inmates have it lucky in prison...and to sharply INCREASE a defendant's sentence simply because he's homosexual. This is REGARDLESS of whether or not the crime charged has ANYTHING to do with sex.

You CANNOT and will NEVER change her mind by diplomacy, intelligence, and concrete evidence no matter how much you pour it on. (Hmmm, pouring CONCRETE over goosey Kristin...nice!) They are NAZIS at heart, whose greatest aspiration is to overwhelem all others with violent bullyism. Unfortunately, civilized reasoning with these barbarians only makes you a Neville Chamberlain to their Adolph. A bitter truth; please don't take it personally.

(2) To inform Ms. HeteroScrooge not to worry because after all, homosexuals are a definite MINORITY is not IMO, an effective strategy...as well as erroneous. This is playing the "tyranny of the majority" card: one of the powerful weapons homophobes use to justify denying us equal rights. They claim we're only 2% of the population (not 10%), based on the OBVIOUS reality that THAT is the percentage of homosexuals courageous enough to step out of the closet. The remaining 8% still hide in terror...and I can't really blame them. But the gay family ALSO includes bisexuals, no?

And according to Kinsey's (in)famous research, EIGHTY PERCENT of all humans are born bisexual. Which therefore means that gays are NOT in a minority, they are the MAJORITY when you count bisexuals...that is: NINETY PERCENT OF THE ENTIRE HUMAN SPECIES!!! Knowing this, I therefore conclude that the gay issue is NOT a minority issue, but a MAJORITY issue of hypocrisy and social engineering by those in power who KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY'RE DOING.

Nonetheless, keep in mind that blacks were LESS than 10% of the population when they SPOKE OUT, DEMONSTRATED and RIOTED in the 60's and 70's. It is Historical Truth, that the victory of a long-suffering people has always been the story of puny David against behemoth Goliath.

(3) While your critique was spot on, clearly the perception of one who DOES practice the Golden Rule impeccably...you were way too gentle on the bitch. This is WAR, war of the most vulgar and heartless kind. Such is the nature of homophobia, as the most vivid and bloody manifestation of extreme heterocentrism. And the war's been raging for nigh onto 20 centuries! The ONLY time liberation will come for sexual minorities, is a revolution so profound, so deep-running, so usurping on EVERY level, as to be indefatigable and unconquerable. Though not necessarily violent.¹

First, we start by converting all boy/girl salt and pepper shakers to boy/boy and girl/girl. It may seem trivial, but I assure you, sweet ally Eleanor, IT'S NOTHING TO SNEEZE AT! (Ha, ha, how sneaky of me! Your turn!)

¹ That was not "I" talking in the letter--it was custom-tailored to be supposedly from my two lesbo pals, who gave me the exact "prescription" they wanted in this particular case. I was the gun-for-hire 'neath the calling wind. They asked for something that would "shock" the good Christian lady with its calmness and civility and which would use terms and images designed to cause the gears in her feeble brain to be monkeywrenched and grind to a halt. She was expecting "hate" in return for "hate". (Notice period outside of quote mark, mein Fuhrer!)

If the letter had been from me, it would have been very different indeed, you can be sure.

Wait'll you hear my actual voice. You'll be seriously impressed. I used to do radio stuff--I was the freelance "human interest" reporter for the local radio station. I was turned loose to do any story I wanted--interviews with strange eccentrics living in the woods, movie reviews, male strip shows, anything. I had a "following" of listeners who tuned in every week.