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Permission granted by author for anyone to distribute this
writing free of charge (including translation into any
language)...under condition that no profit is made therefrom,
and that it remain intact and complete, including title and 
credit to the original author.

Ezekiel J. Krahlin
http://www.gay-bible.org
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THE CONQUEST OF TROY
(A True Tale From The Castro. Eat your heart out, Armistead!)

© 2001 by Ezekiel J. Krahlin


Oh, Diomedes, you bring so much beauty into this world,
I can't praise enough, your heroic character. 
Yea, not even Hercules outshines your Great Odyssey!

If you, Diomedes--instead of Helen--were the prize of Troy,
Would we not have a friggin' nuclear war right in the middle of Archaic Greece?
Indeed we would; and what do you think the archeologists would make of that,
My Most Handsome & Beloved Angel? 
                                                  
Clearly, Classical Greece would never
Have been born, and I wouldn't be here in the distant future,
writing to you now,
In this brave new world of Comic Book Gods, Ghosts In Boxes, Pointillism, 
Surrealism, Gay Rights, Viagra, Poison Grapes, Mr. Snuffulufugus,
and Television Nightmares.

(As I swear by the sword of Vulcan: Gadzooks! Someone as yet unknown, 
Has opened Pandora's Jar!)

Oh, thank you My Muses, for showering me with your unsurpassable adoration!
Breathless with joy, my all-too-human fingers stumble across the keyboard,
Like a puppy yearning to be loved by his master! 
Oh, yeah, there's the bone, and it's all mine!

My Beloved Diomedes:
Wonderful Zeus has not failed to endow you 
With glorious and manly beauty, everywhere!
Dare I drink from your Fountain of Youth 
Without first shedding tears of joy 
As my sacrifice with which to cleanse your winged feet?

Oh, Great Eros, Aphrodite, Artemis, Persephone, Demeter, all...
My beloved Sisters & Brothers of Mount Olympus!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! How can I ever repay you for bringing
Adorable, Darling, Handsome, Kissable, Devoted
Diomedes onto my own bed!
His smooth, ivory shoulders scattered with freckles
Slide beneath my touch; and my fingers shudder.

I also have freckles on my shoulder, Diomed...maybe we were each hatched 
From a speckled egg!
Maybe we even hatched from the same nest, beside each other:
You peck your way out, first,
And watch as I break MY shell:

"Ezekiel!" you exclaim
As your voice pierces my ears
(The first sounds I ever hear!),
To which I open my eyes 
To the brightness of daylight 
For the first time in my life.
I see my most beloved Diomedes with outstretched wings,
And stumble into your embrace like God's own heart, 
And pass out for a while,
"Diomedes Diomedes" 
the last words on my breath.

Hey, Troy, Troy! This is me, Zeke, speaking to you. Now,
You are Diomedes once again, and I am...hey, listen:

This is Ulysses speaking now, my brilliant Diamond Diomedes.
I propose we embark on our next adventure, that will
Make the Trojan Wars look like preschoolers out on 
A sunny spring picnic...with Pampers.

Only our ship, The Argo:
Instead of sailing the seven seas, she shall sail
The Starry Ocean! 
And you, my Divine Buddy, 
Shall steer right there beside me,
Equal Partners In All Matters
Both Major and Minor.
For I have nothing but absolute faith in your 
Wisdom and benevolence,
For which our Good Father has honored you 
By such inexpressible beauty of male
Form and face.

So take the helm, My Good Buddy.
Under your guidance there is nothing to fear;
Yea, not even a bad dream.
For such is the compassion pouring from your heart,
Diomedes,
That blesses one and all,
Passing no judgment on anyone,
Sacrificing your very own soul
A hundred times over for each person you meet...
And then some.

You stand by the homeless most in need;
Yea, they'd even perish alone, were it not for your
Goodly Compassion and Faith. You stand by them, 
even when you could be pursuing your own well-deserved pleasures.
You reject a warm bed and close companionship,
For the sake of those in greater need.
Oh bless you, Troy,
For you have shown me the beauty in Man
That can be,
And IS in you, right now!

Who needs to look further for heaven, 
When I have Troy's noble face to gaze upon
(And dwell over between our togetherness).

I seek you every night, and often find you dozing
On the sidewalk, covered by a paper-thin blanket
Alongside your little comrades who would perish 
Unknown and unsung
Except for the mercy of your bright soul
That stands guard against all evil,
Including Death and Disease and Starvation,
And most importantly: Violence.
                              
And when I see you sleeping on these mean streets,
I do not wake you for my own selfish needs
To have you in my arms each night. For I wouldn't
Love you, if you weren't that kind of man:
Completely devoted to the highest ideals
Of the angels themselves. These needful souls you so humbly love,
Come before me...and I am so proud to gaze upon your 
Sleeping countenance on the hard concrete:
Small sacrifice in your eye, to do God's work!
And small for me, too, for there is great joy and honor
To support your difficult mission,
By forsaking our beautiful togetherness
That you may not be distracted from your spiritual duties.

And it is just that sterling devotion flowing from your heart,
Which assures me that Troy IS faithful, 
And will come right to me, once his last mission is complete.
And remember, Troy, if you really need a break
From your chores, I am one person who will always provide you
With R&R for My Incredible Soldier.
For as you are so highly beloved by My Father in Heaven,
I am so gladly obliged to express that love;
For I am His Only Son.

I ask you, Great Odin:
Is not Diomedes of Troy the Greatest Soldier to Honor
In All These Great Halls of Valhalla?
I think we should do something extra special for
This, Bravest Warrior of All.
Of course, it is now MY greatest wish
That being The Lover of Troy
IS that special prize, 
Which will ignite Diomedes' heart with the
Flames of Passion from Eros's own
Private Stash.

To help you bear the many crosses that burden your shoulders 
Is no small honor, Beloved Diomedes, for
I burst with pride knowing I put a smile on your 
Awesomely Handsome Face.

Helen may have launched a thousand ships,
But if she had YOUR face (and YOUR body),                        
And YOUR great spirit,
She would have launched a thousand TIMES a thousand!
Yea, and a million times more that.
                                             
Times a billion.

Zillion.

Hold me.

Hold the mayo.


---finis