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Permission granted by author for anyone to distribute this
writing free of charge (including translation into any
language)...under condition that no profit is made therefrom,
and that it remain intact and complete, including title and 
credit to the original author.

Ezekiel J. Krahlin

(a parable for the 21st century)

© 1997 by Ezekiel Krahlin
(Jehovah's Queer Witness)

The Seven Forbidden Numbers have long been held secret in a
dark, locked chamber of The Vatican Library.  The Pope alone
possesses a key to The Dark Chamber, but The Door has only
been open once...and that was to accept the guardianship of
the papyrus containing The Seven Numbers, some time in the
year 404 A.D.  The Door has, since then, remained tightly shut
in the shadow of seven guards, seven lambs, and seven seals.
The Seven Forbidden Numbers are also sometimes referred to by
Trustees as "The Sinister Seven," "The Forty-Nine Lies," and
(rarely) "The Blasphemous Sesseract."

As the serviceman for their dehumidifier system, I was not, of
course, permitted anywhere near The Dark Chamber, to do my
necessary and usual maintenance on the air ducts.  (I was not
even supposed to have any knowledge of The Dark Chamber.)  But
over many years I have managed to eliminate all obstructions
between a restroom vent, and the one that opens to The Dark
Chamber.  Among the many steel plates connecting one duct to
another, there now exist a number of false plates through
which a little Italian could crawl around The Labyrinth to
find refuge in The Black Room.

I say unto you:  there are many, many wondrous things in
There, in addition to the Seven Forbidden Numbers!  Yea, I was
but a humble laborer of modest birth and modest name (Luigi
Leprecorno) with a fourth-grade education, until I stumbled into
The Room and onto The Books!  The simplest Book, and therefore
the first one I studied, was called "Dick and Dick," which
taught me how to Read. Though I am known across the valley for
my prowess with the boys and ladies, I fainted many times over
its fiendish illustrations, and climaxed over each pretentious

Seven years have passed since I read the Last Book and, during
that time, have risen from novice to apprentice to master to
slave to pervert.  There is no Higher in this world or the
next world, than I! Yea, though there is much Golden Lore in
The Books, not one surpasses the Eternal Wisdom expressed in a
single sheet of papyrus that I found laying at the Foot of The
Lamb! And I, the Chosen, care not to keep The Seven Forbidden
Numbers secret any more...though I lose all I have gained,
including my soul!

(Warning!  This is your chance to back out now.  Do not, I
repeat, do not scroll down beyond this warning unless you
place no value on your immortal destiny!)

                                      descending into
                                      the abyss
                                      of no
                                :(    .
                                      yahh!  oh god no!

                    !!! HERE THEY ARE, FOLKS !!!
                     THE SEVEN FORBIDDEN NUMBERS

Want to know what it's like to have a unicorn rest its head in
your lap?  Dial 976-UNIC.  (recorded)

Discover the joy of 666!  Dial 976-6SIX.  (recorded)

Visit the Bedroom Of The Gods (video screen required)!  Dial
976-PEEP. (recorded)

Safe sex with the Devil!  Dial 976-TAIL.  (live)

Steal the Family Jewels from the Halls of Valhalla!  Dial
976-GRAB. (recorded)

Watch Greek soldiers and boys prepare for the Battle of
Armageddon (video screen required)!  Dial 976-HUMP.  (live)

Learn Jesus's and Circe's secret of turning men into pigs!
Dial 976-OINK.  (recorded)

---end of tale, and your innocence-------------------